


Haunt Me in My Sleep

by honeypothux



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Blood, Cuddling & Snuggling, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Gore, Oral Sex, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Prompt Fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-31
Updated: 2016-08-24
Packaged: 2018-07-26 00:22:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7552933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeypothux/pseuds/honeypothux
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kylo Ren is rotting from the inside out, grappling with the Force as it threatens to eat him alive. Hux begs him to relent and stop fighting an unnecessary war, but Kylo isn't ready to face the consequences of surrender. He cannot bear to lose what little he has left in the Galaxy, even if protecting it means his own demise.</p><p>Based on the song "Wolves Without Teeth" by Of Monsters and Men.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_His foot hits the ground and he is running. The air is death cold and burns in his lungs. He wants to stop, but he can’t. They are behind him, nails cutting through the mud, red tongues lolling out the side of their mouths. They are baying for him, calling for him, and he closes his eyes. His bones are brittle in his body and they break every time his heel cracks against the earth. The moon peers down overhead and he thinks, if only, he could get there. It isn’t so far. He reaches up for it, cries out, and they swarm him on all sides. By the time he realizes what is happening, it is too late._

_“Please,” He says, though he is not really there. They’ve swallowed him and he is gone, and yet be begs, “Please.” The moon stares down, silent. “Please, just a little longer.”_

Kylo scrubbed the inside of a pan. Caked grease came off in sheets, slipping out into the stream below. The gentle trickle of water accompanied his work, breaking up the silence of solitude. He turned the pan over in his hand, pressing the face below the water. It chilled his fingers and he sighed, clamping his eyes shut. The skin beneath them burned with exhaustion and he rubbed it with the back of his hand. Kylo set the pan aside once he was done with it and moved to his knees, bowing in the mud. He brought water to his face and over his head, letting it drop down the back of his neck.

He hadn’t slept right in months. The hours escaped him, twisted by visions in the Force. When his eyes closed, he saw dark, empty maws and jagged claws. They were new villains, the damage left behind by Snoke’s stranglehold. He’d vanquish them as he’d vanquished Snoke. He was strong in the Force, a master without equal. Nightmares wouldn’t derail him now. He wasn’t a shaking little boy anymore, running to ghostly whispers to guard his mind.

Kylo threw the pan in with the other cooking utensils, bringing the bag over his back. He sighed and started up the hill toward home, metal pots clinking with the every step. He walked barefoot, the black garb he wore on the Finalizer long since abandoned. He wore rough, grey cotton now, the legs of his pants rolled up over his calves. The world was brighter without the helmet and he was grateful for the thick canopy of trees on this planet. Sometimes, it was hard to face the light.

The temple where he stayed was thousands of years old. The Force hung in the air, tangled in history and old voices. Solid stone walls told the stories of ancient Sith warlords.  Kylo marched onward, ignoring the stories that reached for him. He’d listened to them all a hundred times. None of them could help. What he needed was so much more than they could offer.

He came into the kitchen and poured the bag out, letting the pots and pans clatter against the counter. As he set about putting them away, Hux slipped into the room. Free of the cold air of Order ships, his cheeks were pink with sunlight. Freckles crept over his nose, red hair two shades brighter now that it was free of gel and darkness. His uniform was replaced by something all white and loose. Kylo preferred it.

Hux joined him at the counter, watching as Kylo stacked the cookware. His eyes traveled down Kylo’s arms, catching on the places where the skin was torn. Dozens of cuts, red and fresh, crisscrossed Kylo’s forearms. Hux frowned as he studied them, hands curling into fists at his sides.

“Ren,” He said, staring into Kylo’s face. Kylo refused to meet his eyes and the muscle in Hux’s jaw twitched. He grabbed the pot in Ren’s hand, stopping it in the air, forcing Kylo to pay attention to him. “Ren, when are we going to talk about this?”

Kylo acknowledged him, eyes settling on Hux’s face. Without snow and a thousand Storm Troopers as a backdrop, Hux’s eyes were lush green. They spoke to life and vitality; Kylo cherished them. He released the pot and closed the space between them, pulling Hux to his chest. “You worry too much, General,” He said, curling his fingers in Hux’s hair.

Hux sighed and tucked his head beneath Kylo’s chin, absorbing the heat from Kylo’s body. “I’m not a General anymore, Ren. You know that,” He said. The Order, the driving force and justification for his life, was crumbling on the far edges of the galaxy. Rotting from inside out, it would fall before the cycle’s end. Hux never would get his chance to rule. Still, he could only regret so much. Kylo kissed him at night and that was worth something.

“And I am not a Knight of Ren, but old habits die hard,” Kylo replied. He pulled them to the ground, moving Hux between his legs. He pressed a kiss to the crown of Hux’s head and pulled the pot from his hands, setting it aside on the floor. “I’m more powerful than you think. I’ll be fine.”

Hux closed his eyes and shook his head. He pressed his ear to Kylo’s chest and listened to the thrum of his heart. “How long will I have you if you are wrong? How long before you are gone?” Hux asked, his voice falling soft and weak. Kylo pet his hair and he trembled.

“I will not leave you,” Kylo replied, and he was certain. He would never leave Hux, not after all they’d been through. He’d killed an immortal. Death was already his to command.

They peeled themselves off the floor once the sun dipped below the horizon line. Hux lead Kylo to bed and urged him to rest, curling around him under the sheets of their bed. He traced his fingers over the cuts in Kylo’s arms, shushing Kylo even as he lay silent. Outside, chirping bugs sang pretty songs and Hux tried to hum along with them.

Sleep came to Kylo like a gamble. It stretched out a gnarled hand, crumbling fingers filled with bones and dice. If he rolled well, he’d wake in the morning with Hux at his side. If his luck slipped away, he’d close his eyes to feel warm breath on his neck, a growl ripping through his flesh. As his eyes fell closed, he called to the Force for good fortune.

It denied him.

Early that morning, Kylo woke to Hux screaming. Blood filled the space between them in the sheets, warm against their skin. Kylo turned his head to the side, staring at the shredded flesh of his forearm. Chunks of skin were missing down to the bone, rivets of flesh littering the bed. He held up his other hand, looking where he felt skin underneath his nails.

Hux clamped his hands down over Kylo’s injuries, applying pressure. He was trembling, brows knit together as his teeth dug into his lower lip. He wanted to scream again, to tell Kylo he was the most foolish man alive. He wanted to sob and beg for the end of this, to be spared the horrors of having to watch Kylo pull himself apart.  He wanted anything but this, the feeling of Kylo’s blood pouring over his hands.

Kylo reached up and held Hux’s face with his good hand. He ran his thumb over Hux’s lip, wiping away the blood that gathered there. “Hux, you’re hurting yourself,” He said. Hux scoffed in his face.

“Look what you’ve done and tell me that again!” Hux squeezed down on Kylo’s arm, desperate to make the blood stop flowing. His hands trembled under the pressure, knuckles bone white. The blood, despite his best attempts, kept flowing. Hux watched it until he couldn’t bear to, clamping his eyes shut. “Kylo, stop this. Please stop this.”

Kylo sat up and pulled his arm away, tucking it against his chest. There was no pain, only a dull ache. He pet Hux’s cheek with his good hand, offering the only apology he could.

He wouldn’t stop, not even for the world.

Hux tucked his own face into his hands, pulling away from Kylo’s hand and curling up against bloodied sheets. “You’re selfish,” He said, words like a curse. “You’re a selfish, stupid man.”

Kylo frowned and moved to take hold of Hux’s arm. Hux flinched away from him and Kylo inhaled, struck by the intensity of Hux’s eyes. The whispers of the stone walls turned to screams in his ears, offering solutions like salves and potions to a dying man. But they were snake oil. Sith ghosts had nothing for him. He’d already tried their ways. He had no one to help him in this besides himself.

Kylo bowed his head and took his leave. He wanted nothing more than to stay and apologize, but Hux wasn’t having it. What was an apology when nothing would change? It was a lie and, for all that he was, Kylo Ren wasn’t a liar.

The stairs up to the roof were smooth stone, polished by generations of footsteps. Kylo heard the phantom laughter of long dead Sith apprentices running up and down the steps, their Master’s heavy sigh resounding off the walls. Kylo ignored the noises and moved up the stairs, hand trailing over the crumbling walls.

He spent half the night out on the roof, eyes closed as his mind reached out through the galaxy. He traced the rough edges of the Force, feeling for the places scarred by history and warped by time. Over and over, his mind was drawn to the man in his bed. The Force hung over him like a shroud, concealing his features and obscuring him from sight. Hux was miserable, but Kylo would help him. He had to, for both their sakes.

Kylo ran his fingertips over the shredded flesh of his arm. The tears were deep, much deeper than they had been in previous nights. His mind moved to the dream he’d had only hours before.

_He was running again, charging through the woods. The world is quiet around him. All he can hear are his feet against the ground and the desperation of his breaths. He tries to calm himself, to keep his vision clear, but stress overwhelms and things go blurry. Only the moon shines through, clear. He thinks it is beautiful. He wants to be away from here, to be there, to be free. But the howling comes up from the brush and all else falls silent. He tries to outrun them again, tries to be faster. One snatches the back of his heel, and it is over._

_As they drag him across the ground, he watches the moon. As they take him apart piece by piece, he reaches for it. “What am I supposed to do?” He whispers from a mouth that is absent. “I just want to give you everything.”_

It was no different than the dreams he’d been having ever since their battle against Snoke, but his wounds were so much worse. He wondered if he’d wake up tomorrow without any skin at all, muscle stripped away by his own clawing fingers. The thought sent a chill trickling down his spine and he set his arm aside, unable to look at it any longer.

Kylo rose from his perch on the roof and descended the stairs. The temple was pitch black inside and he moved with due diligence, guiding himself to the refresher. He pulled bacta packets open with his teeth and smoothed the salva over his arm, the clinical scent burning his nose. It wouldn’t do much, but it would placate Hux. The gel hardened into a thin sheet and he wrapped over it with gauze. To the casual observer, nothing would seem amiss.

How unfortunate, then, that Hux was so meticulous.

Kylo entered the bedroom to find Hux standing by the window. The curtains were pulled up rather than apart, draped over Hux’s shoulders. Hux didn’t turn as the door sealed behind Kylo, eyes locked on the dark lines of distant clouds. The moonlight painted him stark white and, standing so still, Kylo almost mistook him for dead.

“I thought you’d be asleep by now,” Kylo said. He took his place at Hux’s side, pulling the drapes away with his good hand. Hux remained motionless, staring out to the stars. Kylo frowned and came closer, blocking out the light and casting a shadow over Hux’s face.

“Sleep is difficult these days. It is almost as if someone will not let me rest,” Hux said, words crowding Kylo’s conscious. Hux pursed his lips and traced his fingers over the transparisteel windows, feeling the chill of night air.

Outside, the brush rustled with the wind. Kylo watched it, waiting for the inevitable bark and bay of wolves. When Hux folded against his chest instead, he closed his eyes. Hux held his waist and they swayed back and forth together,

As they rocked together, Kylo stared down at his injured arm. The flesh tingled and burned and his lips pulled into a sneer.  He tightened his fist and resigned himself to the unfortunate. “I’ll start tying my hands down tomorrow night,” He said, stilling them both. “I won’t claw at myself anymore.”

Hux craned his neck up, brows furrowed. “And that is the best solution you can come up with? You want to tie yourself down like a rabid animal rather than take the clearest course?”

Kylo bent over, kissing Hux’s forehead. He pressed his lips to the wrinkle of Hux’s brow, soothing it away. “Your ‘clearest course’ is not an option, Hux,” He whispered, smoothing his good hand down Hux’s spine. “And while tying myself up isn’t ideal, it is all I have.”

Hux snorted. “It’s the worst idea I’ve ever heard.”

“Well,” Kylo said, cocking his head upward and smirking. “I suppose I won’t be able to hold you if I do , so it is a pretty awful move.”

Hux laughed despite himself. He tugged down Kylo’s shirt collar and laid a kiss along Kylo’s collar bone, drawing out a sigh. “I hadn’t even thought of that.” He pressed his nose to the thin skin of Kylo’s neck, inhaling. Kylo still smelled of blood and it forced Hux to grit his teeth. “But do it anyway. Tie yourself down, if you refuse to seek a more permanent solution.”  
  
“But what about the holding?” Kylo asked, tipping Hux’s face up by his chin.

Hux forced a smile, ignoring the dull ache in his chest. “I’ll take care of it.”

They fell into bed like it was the easiest thing in the world. Hux pulled Kylo in against his torso, arms wrapped around him like he never wanted to let go. The drapes remained apart, light filtering in as their eyes started to fall closed. Hux held Kylo by his good wrist, stroking his thumb over the bone. As he drifted off to sleep, he did something he’d never done before.

He prayed.

Two weeks later, they went down to the beach. The sand was shock white and coarse underfoot, clinging to the damp edges of Kylo’s pant leg. The air was sweet, water rich with sugar instead of salt. He inhaled, let the scent soothe his tired mind. Hux was only a few feet away, perched at the edge of the water. His feet were pressed up under the sand, the water lapping at his ankles whenever the waves rolled in.

Kylo took a seat beside Hux, their shoulders pressed together as wind came in off the sea. Hux hugged his knees and braced himself against the cold air, eyes following twisting stripes of seafoam across the water.

“What do you think is happening out there?” Hux said, raising his eyes to the sky above. Even from a million light years away, he could hear the Order’s gears seize up and fail. The Hutts rose from their holes in the sand, criminal networks festering in the Order’s failing provinces. The Republic, crippled by Starkiller, would try to reign in the chaos. If Hux knew anything about the Galaxy, he knew they wouldn’t get very far.

“I don’t know. It doesn’t matter,” Ren replied. He joined Hux in watching the sky, trying to feel for answers in the Force. The galaxy was falling apart thread by thread and here they were, cut off from it all. It was sort of funny. Kylo always figured that, if everything went to shit, he’d be at the center of it all. Sitting out on the beach with Hux had never been part of the plan.

Hux smoothed his hand over Kylo’s knee and curled his toes in the sand. “It should matter, Ren. I intend to leave here, someday. I want there to be a galaxy for us to return to.”

“Then the galaxy will be waiting for you. I promise,” Kylo said. Hux frowned at his side. The difference in pronoun was enough to break his heart.

The sun was low on horizon, casting yellow light across the water. Hux pressed his head to Kylo’s shoulder. For a moment, he thought they might be happy. He wrapped his mind around the sensation and held onto with all his might. They could be happy like this. It had to be possible. They’d defied possibility time and again. They’d escaped Snoke and the Republic. Finding happiness shouldn’t be so hard.

Hux’s eyes drifted to the bandages around Kylo’s damaged forearm.  His stomach turned in his gut and he bit the inside of his cheek. Of course, there was that. Hux took Kylo’s injured arm into his hands. He shushed Kylo as he tensed, running his fingertips over the layers of fabric. “Let me look,” He said. Kylo inhaled and looked away, silent.

Hux pressed his fingers beneath Kylo’s bandages, unwinding them. As the cloth came free, the scent of blood filled Hux’s nose. The skin of Kylo’s arm was no better than it had been two weeks ago. The wound looked moments old, bright red and angry.  Nothing had changed. Hux dropped the bandages to the ground, uncaring as the wind carried them away. He bowed his head, eyes clamped closed.

“You told me you were healing again,” He said, voice cracking along the edges. How could Kylo lie this way? Hux’s heart burned in his chest and his lips pulled into a smear. He released Kylo’s arms and moved away, rising up from the sand. His feet carried him across the shoreline, jaw locked tight. Kylo called after him and Hux did not stop.

By the time Kylo realized Hux wasn’t coming back, Hux was a half-mile down the shore. Kylo cursed and scrambled to his feet, legs pumping up and down as he took chase. The sands shifted underfoot and he stumbled more than once, catching himself on sheer will alone.

“Hux!” His voice carried over the crash of waves, but Hux didn’t seem to care. Kylo put everything into running, focusing on the beat of his feet to the earth, and came to a crashing halt at Hux’s side. Kylo took him by the shoulders and tucked him against his chest.

“I’m sorry,” He said, but Hux shook his head in return.

Hux pulled away and stared down at Kylo’s ravaged arm. “No, you aren’t,” He said, gesturing to the exposed bone and muscle. Kylo tucked it behind his back, though the intensity of Hux’s eyes remained. No amount of hiding would free Hux’s mind from the images of Ren’s deterioration. So long as he lived, he would remember pink muscle and white bone. “If you were sorry, you wouldn’t be doing this. You wouldn’t have lied.”

Kylo inhaled, straightening his spine. Under Hux’s eyes, he felt weak. Physical strength and the Force were nothing beside Hux, who could end him with as much as a look. “I just didn’t want you to worry, Hux.”

Hux laughed and threw his hands up. He stepped backward into the water, allowing the waterline to rise up over his knees. “Well, we see how well that worked out,” He said. His eyes burned and he closed them, clenching his fists at his side. His sinuses burned and he choked back a sob. Kylo said nothing and Hux wrinkled his nose. He didn’t have the energy for to wait any longer. “I don’t deserve this Kylo. I didn’t ask you to do this for me.”

Kylo reached out for Hux again and Hux jerked away. Kylo inhaled and watched his face, swallowing as the first tears trickled over Hux’s cheeks. “Hux,” He whispered, pulling his hand back to his chest. Hux’s tears and Kylo’s heart fell, drawing a silence between them. Kylo’s tongue felt too big in his mouth, unspoken and inadequate words weighing it down. There was nothing to say.

Hux took Kylo by his injured hand, interlacing their fingers. His fingers were clammy and cold, trembling against Kylo’s. He raised their hands up between their faces, bringing torn flesh to Kylo’s eye level. “I never asked you to kill yourself for me.”

Kylo squeezed Hux’s hand in return. Despite the movement, his injury didn’t hurt. The tissue there felt like cotton rubbing against his good flesh. There, irritating, but unfeeling. “I know, but I’m not killing myself. I’ll find a solution. You just need to have-”

“What do I need to have, Kylo? Faith? Patience?” Hux laughed and Kylo felt his heart fall to pieces in his chest. Tears continued creeping down Hux’s cheeks, coming with increasing frequency. “You’re misleading yourself. We both know where this ends.”

Back on the Finalizer, Hux and Kylo invented a magnificent future. They laid in bed together, mixing treason and affection in the same breathe. “Once he is dead” became their mantra, placed before fantasies as rich and colorful as the vast cosmos itself. Now, ‘he’ was dead and, still, their countless possibilities came down to one. Kylo pulled his hand away from Hux.

“I just need more time, Hux.” He couldn’t admit what he knew to be true. In the distance, the stone called to him. The voices offered their secrets and Kylo shooed them away. They had nothing. He had nothing. It was done, even if he could not say it aloud.

Hux waded out of the ocean, chased by the waves. He worked his way up the beach, sand clinging to his wet pants and shoes. As he reached the top of the dune that overlooked the winding path home, he stopped and looked back over his shoulder. From this distance, Kylo was a black smudge against the surf, watching on like he expected Hux to say something.

Hux considered humoring him with another quip but decided against it. If Kylo wanted more time, there was no point in wasting what little they had left with arguments. And, if Kylo wanted to give up all his time for a man whose own had long run out, so be it. Hux was too tired to fight him anymore.

As Hux vanished, silent, over the hill, Kylo settled down on the sand. He bowed his head to the beach and curled his fingers up in it, eyes clamped close as the waves came up to wet his hair. Overhead, the sun touched the horizon and dove into the water. Darkness crept across the far edges of the sky and, somewhere, the moon turned his way.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter includes descriptions of vomiting. Please be mindful and proceed with caution.

The egg sizzled against the skillet, hot oil popping off the sides. Kylo kept his distance, nudging the egg with his spatula. It curled up at the sides, browning and burning to a crisp. The oil caught on Kylo’s skin and he hissed, dropping the spatula and leaving the egg to die. 

Hux laughed from across the room and Kylo flinched, blush rising on his cheeks. “Afraid of a little burn, Ren?” Hux said, approaching from behind. He turned down the flame, squinting down at the egg. “You couldn’t just let me do it, could you?”  
  
Kylo shrugged his shoulders, inspecting his work from over Hux’s shoulder. It was scorched black and far past edible. “I figured it was my turn to do breakfast in bed,” He said, resting his head on Hux’s. “I didn’t think you’d wonder out here so early.”  
  
“Yes, well, I smelled the burning,” Hux said, smirking to himself. He brushed Kylo off his body and stepped forward, scraping the remnants of egg from the pan into the trash. He raised a brow at the other dozen eggs staring up at him from inside the  garbage. He’d known Kylo wasn’t an excellent cook, but these were _eggs_ **_._ ** He hadn’t known anyone could screw them up quite so badly.  Setting the pan back on the stovetop, he said, “Did Snoke skip the lessons on basic homemaking?”  
  
Kylo snorted. The thought of his former Master prattling on about cooking brought a smile to his lips, though it unsettled something deeper. Shouldn't he know how to cook? That he didn’t was just another sign of his abnormal upbringing, another indicator of all the things he’d been robbed of. Robbed. The word struggled to find a home in his mind. Even now, with Snoke’s manipulation so apparent, he couldn’t shake his fault in all this.

“Basic homemaking has no place in the Force,” Kylo replied, already digging through the fridge for more eggs. He found the drawers empty and groaned, setting his forehead against the fridge door.  He really had wasted them all. “We need to go down to the coop again. We’re out.”

“What? Let me see.” Hux shoved himself in beside Kylo. He picked through the drawers, sorting through stacks of vegetables and lean meat. Despite the overabundance of ungulate meat - Kylo had gotten overzealous with his hunting - there were no eggs to be found. He ran his hand down his face and shut the fridge door, sparing Kylo a momentary glower.  

“Well,” He said, taking Kylo by his good hand. The other remained bandaged, unchanged despite the month gone by. The flesh still shone bright pink, blood oozing as if fresh. Hux did his best to ignore that. “It looks like we have to go get some more.”

“We?” Kylo questioned, drawing a grumble from Hux. Kylo rubbed the back of his neck and relented. “I did waste them. Alright, let’s go.” Kylo followed Hux out of the kitchen, trailing behind him as they moved out through the front door and into the courtyard.

There, the brush was overgrown, weeds and grasses breaking up through the old cobble. Gnarled trees older than some planets hung overhead, trunks bent by heavy fruit and age. Hux walked under them without pausing, unable to hear the spectral voices that called down from the highest branches. Kylo took his time, listening to the jeering of long dead children. They wanted someone, another apprentice, dead just as long, to climb up and join them. He was too scared to try. He didn’t want to fall.

The coop was a fair ways out into the woods. The dirt path that lead down to it was long gone, replaced by thick woodland. But Kylo could sense where footfalls had once been and Hux learned the way as fast as he learned anything. The building itself was solid stone, no different than the temple, and sturdy against the wear of the ages. Force spells left by the ancient Sith lingered, drawing the birds back to roost even though their was no one left for them to feed. Well, no one except Kylo and Hux, but they didn’t need a full flock of hens.

Hux paused at the entrance and turned to look over his shoulder, watching Kylo’s approach.  “You know,” He said, smirking, “Maybe we do need all these birds after all, the way you cook.”

Hux laughed at his own joke and Kylo sighed, coming up beside him. He considered complaining, but Hux’s laugh was too pleasant to interrupt.

They entered the coop together and Hux wrinkled his nose. It was large and grandiose for a bird pen, but it smelled like a hundred years of unattended shit. He stepped over the hens nestled near the entrance, careful not to crush them underfoot. They were docile and fat, cooing as Hux passed them by. Before arriving here, Hux had limited contact with animals. They had no place on the Order’s war vessels or academies, after all. But now he was knee deep in them and, despite his best attempts to hate the damn birds, he couldn’t help but find them a little cute.

Hux grabbed one of the baskets hanging off the wall and set about filling it. The eggs were mint green and scaley, rough against Hux’s ungloved hands. He ran his thumb up against the grain, certain he could cut himself on the sharp edges if he tried. “I can’t image how agonizing it is for these birds to lay these,” He said, holding the egg up to Kylo. “It must tear them apart.”

Kylo took the egg from Hux’s hand. He held it in his bad hand and scratched his nail against the rougher scales. The scrape made a high-pitched noise not unlike a chalkboard and Kylo’s expression soured. He set the egg inside the basket,  quick to be free of it. “Well,” He said, forcing a smile onto his face, “people make great sacrifices for those they care about.”

Hux frowned and turned away from Kylo. The comment was thinly veiled and preposterous. He set out to gather more eggs, throwing them down into the basket with increasing ferocity. They clacked together but did not crack, too armored to break on impact. Hux seemed dedicated to smashing them anyway, as the vigor with which he drew them down grew more apparent and comical with every passing second. Kylo would have laughed if it weren’t such an obvious symbol of agitation.

The hens gathered around Hux, chirping as he took their eggs away. He pressed past them, walking with a wide stance to avoid stepping on them. As they continued to cluck and whine, flapping their wings against his calves, he groaned and held his ground. “This is ridiculous,” He snapped, pulling the basket up and away from one leaping hen. “Maybe your stupid comment is worthwhile after all.”

The birds started screaming and Kylo walked over to take the basket, distracting them from Hux. They huddled at his feet, still crying out protest. “What do you mean?” He asked. Somehow, he knew this wouldn’t go over well.

Hux pointed down at the birds. They were working themselves up into a flurry, beating eachother up with the rapid flails of their wings “You talk about sacrifices, but I only see foolishness. Look at them,” He said, a frown appearing on his face. The poor creatures had no idea what they were doing. “They struggle and fight for things that aren’t even there. Those eggs will never hatch. The children they’re trying to protect are already gone. They were never event here to begin with.”

Hux’s voice cracked and he pulled his hand back, jaw locking. Kylo set the basket on the floor. The hens swarmed it, hopping inside and fighting for room to sit. Kylo closed the gap between himself and Hux, closing his hands around Hux’s shoulders. The birds continued their squabble in the background, and yet all Kylo could hear was the pounding of blood in his ears.

“You aren’t dead, Hux,” Kylo said, firm. “You’re right here.”

The thickness of the Force around Hux was debilitating. The heavy shroud which obscured him seemed to slip over Kylo’s nose and mouth, suffocating him. He steadied his breathing only through sheer force of will, but something crackled and burned deep down in his lungs. He felt like he was breathing in ozone. His head was swimming and, though he hadn’t even moved, Kylo felt he might pass out.

Hux cupped Kylo’s chin in hand, running his thumb down the curve of Kylo’s sloping jaw. The anger left his place, replaced by the sort of smile a man wear’s while giving his lover’s eulogy. “But I shouldn’t be, should I?” He said, nodding his head for Kylo. He swallowed and closed his eyes, lines wrinkling his brow. “If you weren’t meddling, I would have died months ago, yes? I wouldn’t even have left Snoke’s throne room.”

Kylo leaned into Hux’s fingers. The smell of something rotten leaked into his nose, but he pressed it aside in his mind. It was mere trickery of the Force. He was only sensing what he feared, what Hux refused to stop worrying about. The dead flesh of his arm, open and unhealing, tingled at his side. “What would have happened and what should have happened are not the same thing, Hux,” He whispered, pressing their foreheads together. “This is what was meant to be.”

“Meant to be?” Hux repeated, incredulous. Kylo was, at the end of the day, a man of faith. He laid his trust in magics and voices Hux could not see or recognize. He spoke of fate like it was fact and not some uncertain fiction. At the beginning, it was reassuring and easy to believe. They had everything, then. But now, Hux could only pity Kylo’s misplaced idealism. There was nothing great waiting for them in their future.

Hux  brought his fingers up into Kylo’s hair, stroking them through it. It was longer now than it ever had been, black and knotted up from a restless night plagued by visions.  “You said the same thing about conquering the galaxy and inheriting Vader’s legacy” He whispered, voice low and strained. “Just look how that turned out.”

“I was blinded by my ambition. I see this more clearly,” Kylo insisted, though it was clear to him he’d never convince Hux. They’d had this conversation a few dozen times. It never lead anywhere. He placed one of his own hands in Hux’s hair, pulling him closer and shushing him. A vile taste rose up on his tongue, something halfway between acid and mud. “Please,” He said, gripping Hux tight. “Let’s just stop talking about this. I can’t keep going through this.”

Hux lifted Kylo’s chin, bringing their eyes together. Kylo was near trembling, his eyelashes shielding misty eyes. Hux felt himself frown. “You just want to keep pretending everything is fine. You want to delay the inevitable.”

“Everything is fine,” Kylo insisted, tensing underneath Hux’s gingers. “Nothing is inevitable. I told you I’d fix this. I’ll break his curse. I just need more-”

“Time,” Hux interrupted, deadpan. He swallowed and stared, watching as Kylo’s face took on a new element of despair. They really had gone through this too many times before.

Kylo buried his face in Hux’s shoulder. He might have sobbed if not for the horrific nausea distracting his body. Hux held him tight and steady, supporting his weight. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” He begged, no louder than a whisper. “Let me atleast play pretend if you won’t believe in me.”

Playing pretend meant leaving Kylo to struggle with the Dark Side, pulling himself so thin that his dreams pressed him to tear of his flesh. It meant leaving him to drive his body beyond the point of no return, flesh rotting at the edges and refusing to recover. It meant sitting around knowing that, the second Kylo pushed too far, he might die. It meant allowing Kylo to kill himself for nothing at all because, the moment Kylo was gone, Snoke’s magic would reach from the ether and end him.

But continuing to confront the issue meant driving Kylo toward a meltdown, so Hux let it be. He’d return to the issue, as he always did, but in that moment he pressed his lips to Kylo’s and let it be.

Kylo gasped as Hux pulled away, his eyes falling half-closed. They stumbled back against the barn wall, Kylo’s body pinning Hux against the wood. Hux held him close, arms around his waist, as they shared another kiss. Kylo’s mouth tasted strange but Hux did his best to ignore it. The nagging, guilty voice in the back of his head seemed to quiet whenever Kylo’s lips were on his own.

Kylo brought his lips down to Hux’s jaw, leaving a line of kisses there. As he’d said so many weeks ago, old habits died hard. With anxiety and tensions running high, he couldn’t help but veer toward old comforts. He smoothed one hand up under Hux’s shirt, carding his fingers across his stomach. Touching him was so much easier now than it had been back on the Finalizer. There were far less layers, now. Some good things had come from their downfall.

Hux sighed as Kylo’s lips fell to his neck. Across the rooms, the birds finally fell quiet, though Hux felt their beady little eyes staring. He considered asking Kylo to make the trek home, but the walk was so far and Kylo’s thumb was already pressing into the sensitive dip of his hip. Being self-conscious over birds would only waste the few moments they could spare for intimacy. Besides, by the time they got back to the house, Hux would be too hungry to make out.

They pressed up against each other, Kylo slotting his hips against Hux’s and grinding. Hux took his ear between his teeth and Kylo shuddered, red spreading across his cheeks. Despite Hux’s insistence that he loved Kylo’s ears, years of schoolyard teasing still made him wary of attention there. However, any complaint was quickly forgotten, replaced by a growing warmth in his stomach as Hux started tugging Kylo’s shirt off. With a little maneuvering, they were both shirtless and biting at each other’s lips.

Hux was fully aware of how ridiculous this was. He knew this was a petty distraction, another play in Kylo’s plot to delay, delay, delay. But he was emotionally exhausted and eager to feel something outside sinking dread. The sensation of Kylo’s erection pressed to his own would have to suffice in a world where he had  few other options.

“Suck me off,” Hux commanded, pressing down on Kylo’s shoulders. Kylo obliged him, sinking to his knees without protest. He pulled Hux’s pants open with practiced finesse, revealing Hux’s hardening cock and nothing else. Kylo shot Hux a teasing glance and Hux flushed, turning his head to the side.

“You didn’t wear any  underwear today.”

“You didn’t do the laundry.”

Kylo smirked and took Hux in hand, wrapping his fingers tight as Hux grew to his full length. For once, not doing his chores had paid off.

He gave a few long strokes, dragging his calloused skin over Hux’s cock. Hux leaned back against the wall and exhaled, flush spreading down over his neck and chest. Kylo watched the spread with rapt attention. There was little better than seeing Armitage Hux, slayer of worlds, turn bright pink under his hands.

Hux brought his hands back to Kylo’s hair, tugging on it as Kylo’s grip grew firmer. He inhaled and exhaled to a rhythm, keeping himself calm. When Kylo ran his tongue along the underside, he shuddered and cursed. Something about the brief, featherweight touch made his heart pound. He had half a mind to demand Kylo get on with it, but he couldn’t deny himself the opportunity to admire Kylo on his knees.

Kylo smiled up at him, all too pleased with himself already. He continued licking until Hux was gritting his teeth, desperate for more attention but too proud to ask for it. Then, Kylo took the head of Hux’s into his mouth, swirling his tongue around as Hux shuddered.

Hux moaned and Kylo pressed forward, peeling back his hand, he eased himself downward . In the beginning, taking Hux down his throat was a challenge. Now, it was like second nature.

“There we go,” Hux whispered, rubbing his fingertips against Kylo’s scalp. Kylo looked up at him, eyes watering as he worked past his gag reflex. His forehead was slick with sweat, dark curls stuck down to it in little coils. His cheeks were flush, tinged pink as he breathed in through his nose. Hux swallowed, committing every detail to memory. There were few in the galaxy privileged enough to see this. He would not squander the gift he’d been given.

Kylo’s lashes shuddered against Hux’s skin as he bottomed out, nose pressed to the red hairs of his groin. Hux, already breathless, peppered Kylo with words of encouragement.

“Don’t rush yourself, Ren,” He said, hand sinking down to hold the back of Kylo’s neck. “We don’t have anywhere to be. No one is going to walk in. We aren’t on the Finalizer.”

Kylo grumbled, looking up at Hux form his place on the floor. It was almost a shame they weren’t on the Finalizer. Hux was always more fun when it felt like they were sneaking around corners just for handjobs. The constant threat of being found added a little something special, though he supposed he didn’t mind the additional time to torment Hux.

Kylo took a moment to ground himself, adjusting the stretch of his lips around Hux’s erection. The taste on his tongue was replaced by the salty, heady taste of Hux’s precum. It was decidedly preferable.

He closed his eyes as Hux’s hips twitched forward, grumbling around the cock in his mouth. Then, taking a deep breathe through his nose, he pulled his head back, dragging his tongue along the underside.

Hux shuddered and groaned, head falling forward. He watched Kylo work, admiring the shine of spit that clung to Kylo’s lips and his own cock.

“Kriff, Kylo,” He breathed, licking his own lips as Kylo pushed his head back down. His hips stuttered forward and Kylo grunted, tugging on Hux’s pant leg. Hux couldn’t help himself, not when Kylo was being so damn slow about it.

Each drag of Kylo’s lips left Hux panting. The muscles in his thighs tensed as he fought the urge to fuck Kylo’s throat raw. The way Kylo worked his tongue along the shaft was maddening and Hux groaned, tangling his fingers back in Kylo’s hair. His own cheeks turned red with his hurried breathing, something in his abdomen coiling tighter when Kylo looked up through his lashes.

Hux thrust his hips forward despite himself, earning another grumble from Kylo. He whispered half-hearted apologies, gritting his teeth as Kylo stopped to lap at the head. Hux was making a mess of himself and of Kylo’s mouth, smearing spit and precum over Kylo’s lips and tongue.

He couldn’t bring himself to care, however, as he felt himself easing closer and closer to climax. There was little he could do as Kylo worked his cock, mouth too warm to deny. He braced himself against the wall, head tipped back against the wood as Kylo picked up the pace.

And then, Kylo pulled his head off. He smirked and took Hux back into his hand, squeezing. A bead of precum came to head and he kissed it away, licking it off his own lips. After a few strokes of his hand, Hux’s nails were scraping against his scalp. Kylo sunk back down on Hux’s cock, ready to receive what he’d worked for.

Kylo felt something bubble up in his throat, thick and hot. He pulled his head away and coughed, turning his face toward the ground.

Earthly sounds became unintelligible echoes, the call of wolves filling his ears.  Fluid flooded his mouth and nose, dribbling past his lips and flowing down his face. It tasted like blood, coppery and metallic, but smelled of mold and bile. It burned his tongue and,  when he opened his mouth, it flowed out scarlet red. He tried to cover his mouth to stop it, but the liquid pressed passed his fingers and oozed onto the ground. Kylo trembled, feeling more of it crawling up his esophagus, and curled over on himself.

Hux was trying to speak to him, eyes wide and brows raised in concern. His words came in as broken syllables, garbled and impossible to understand. Kylo tried to follow his lips, but his vision doubled and his head started to swim, world spinning around him. Kylo bowed forward, forehead pressed to the coop floor.

All the hairs on Hux’s body stood on end. The fluid was gushing and putrid, awful smelling in the way that made some old, animal part of Hux want to run. Instead, he came to his knees beside Kylo, coaxing him against his chest. The stuff was too dark for regular blood, streaked with yellows like an oil slick on the black top. Hux could almost see himself in it and it made his blood run cold.

He smoothed Kylo’s hair back,  pulling the stray strands caught in Kylo’s mouth away from his lips. “It’s alright,” He said, more to himself than anything. The fluid was on his hands and forearms, staining the white cloth of his shirt. It seeped downward, warming his skin and threatening to make Hux keel over, too. “You’re going to be okay. Just let it out. I’ve got you.”

The next burst of fluid was different than the last. It was heavier and textured, making Kylo shudder and whine. He hadn’t eaten anything today. There was no reason for it to feel like anything but blood and stomach acid. He shook in Hux’s arms, realization setting in like the plague. This wasn’t superficial. He was losing something important, here. Something he probably wouldn’t be able to replace.

The barking was growing closer. He could hear them breathing, panting as their legs carried them through the woods. If not for the fluid filling his mouth, he might have mentioned the poetry of being torn apart by wolves in a chicken coop. But, instead, he clutched Hux’s leg and sputtered, begging with every spare breath for this to end.

Hux held onto Kylo like he might not get another opportunity, rocking him in his arms. “Please,” He said, voice shaken and small. He’d been raised to never stutter or mutter, facing the back of his father’s hand every time his “Yes, sir” came out too quiet. But, here, his training was forgotten, replaced by an old and innate feeling. He was going to lose Kylo. He was going to lose the man he loved and there was nothing he could do to stop it. “Please, just let me go.”

Hux pleaded with Kylo with all his might, squandering his pride as his voice broke into a thousand tiny pieces. He laid himself out bare, tears streaking down his face as he said, “I can’t see you this way anymore. Let me die. I want to die for you.”

Kylo still couldn’t hear him, but Hux’s face was enough for him to understand. He pressed one hand to Hux’s cheek, staining Hux’s skin with ruddy black fluid still trickling from his lips. The barking grew distant, wolves retreating to their den, and he stared down at the mess he’d left on the ground.

“Hux,” He said, dropping his hands into his lap. Wherever the fluid had come from was empty now, leaving his sides sore and his throat burning. “Hux,” He repeated, curling inward as the real world came back into focus.

The birds came over from their roosts, pecking at the solid bits left behind in mess. Hux shooed them away and kneeled down in the  fluid. It was uncomfortably hot and he felt his hairs stand on end, but Kylo needed him. “What is it, Ren?” He asked, running his hand down Kylo’s back. “What’s wrong?”

Kylo folded himself against Hux, laying his head down on his shoulder. He sniffled to clear the fluid from his nose, sucking it back down into his throat. He took Hux’s hand into his own, stroking his thumb over Hux’s knuckles. “I don’t think I’m going to get any more time.”

Hux already knew that was true, but hearing it from Kylo’s mouth was something else. As much as logic and sense told him time was running out, he’d always hoped some part of Kylo’s stubbornness was justified. After all, it was entirely possible that Kylo _could_ feel something in the Force that Hux himself couldn’t  consider. And, as much as he’d told himself to ignore the temptations of optimism, he’d held on anyway. But, as Kylo gave in, Hux lost his grip and was forced to face the music.

There was no way they would both survive this.

It had to be one or the other, lest they cling for too long and have it wind up as both. Then again, if Kylo was the one to go, Hux would soon follow. So, watching Kylo shiver and wipe his eyes, Hux decided it had to be him. He needed to be the one to die, no matter what Kylo said.

“Yeah,” He replied, pressing his sleeve to Kylo’s lips and wiping the sludge away. “I don’t think so, either.”

They took the basket back to temple after a long time resting on the floor of the coop. The birds cried out when Hux pushed them from their eggs and took them away, though they quickly traded their anger in to eat from the remnants on Kylo on the ground.

The trek back toward their home was long and , with Kylo unable to walk without support, tiring. It took twice as long as usual and every second, filled with nothing but the crunch of their boots on the ground, felt wasted.

Once inside, Kylo laid down in bed. His muscles screamed every time he moved and he pressed his face into the pillow, desperate to find pure darkness. Hux tended him with a wet wash cloth, cleaning off what little he could. His hands refused to stay steady as he worked, every nerve in his body piqued. They were both reeling, unable to find the words to describe what they were thinking. Perhaps the words simply didn’t exist.

“Lay with me,” Kylo said, voice hoarse. He extended a hand to Hux, smiling as Hux accepted it and crawled into bed beside him. He looped one arm around Hux, happy to have him warming his chest. How long had it been since he’d slept alone? Kylo could barely remember, though he knew it was an awful feeling and that laying with Hux was heaven by comparison. Kylo couldn’t imagine being without him again. On his own, he was a small, vindictive, petty man. With Hux at his side, he meant something more. With Hux, he had a purpose.

Kylo frowned, devastated. “I was too weak to protect you,” He said. None of this would have ever happened if he’d been stronger. He was the grandson of Darth Vader, the herald of the Dark Side. Undoing a curse by some sickly old pretender should have been nothing. But, he was foolish and pathetic. He was a shame to his legacy, a stain on greatness. More than that, his failures meant the loss of Hux to the galaxy.

And the galaxy would have been so divine with Hux at the head.

Hux kissed Kylo on the nose and stroked his injured forearm, running his fingertips over the disheveled bandages. They would need to be changed soon, he noted. The goop had sunk in deep.

“This isn’t your fault, Ren. No one was expecting you to have power over life and death. This isn’t...I’m not upset with you,” Hux said. Kylo turned his face away, scowling. Hux sighed and set his head against the pillow, sinking down into the bed. His forgiveness meant nothing. Kylo would always blame himself.

“I should be able to do it. Darth Plagueis managed it. Kriff, Snoke did, too, given what he’s done to you,” Kylo said, sitting up. His hands curled into fists and his eyes fell closed. The temple chilled around him, the ever-present chorus of old voices falling silent. “Even here, with so much of the Dark Side to draw on, I am useless.”

“Stop that,” Hux said. He sat up beside Kylo, scowling. “You aren’t useless. You didn’t do anything wrong. I won’t repeat myself anymore on this.” He crawled into Kylo’s lap, kissing him. It was a long, gentle kiss, sweet despite the bitter taste of Kylo’s mouth. When he pulled back, he brushed his thumb against Kylo’s lashes. “I want to enjoy what we have left, Ren. Let it go. Let _me_ go.”

Kylo would have laughed if it weren’t so sad. Hux asked the impossible but, then, didn’t he always? There was no escape from his guilt. There was no possibility of a clean release. This would always haunt him, no matter how long he lived. But, he laid back down with Hux anyway. He’d ignored Hux’s pleas for too long now. It was time to let things be.

It was barely noon, but they remained in bed the rest of the day. Hux’s stomach stung with hunger, but he refused to separate himself from Kylo. Light streamed in through the curtains, warming them and keeping them moments from sleep. Hux thought, if he had to die, this wouldn’t be an awful way to go.

After a long while, Kylo shifted and said, “What if I could still save you?”

“You can’t, Ren,” Hux replied. “You can’t and that’s alright.”

“I know.”

Once Hux drifted to sleep, Kylo unraveled himself from the curse. He let Hux free.


	3. Chapter 3

_ The battle ends as Kylo’s saber screams through the air.  _

_ Snoke hits the ground. He lays in a great heap, grey skull bowed in the low light of his chambers. The wrinkles and crevices of his face grow deeper with every passing moment, the very essence of life leaving him. He holds his own stomach together, skeletal fingers curled around the organs Kylo has revealed. Blood, blue-black like ink, dribbles out from his nose and lips and he struggles to breathe around it. There is nothing for him to do and nowhere for him to run. _

_ “It is over,” Kylo says, stepping forward. His lightsaber thrums in his hand, the pulse of plasma like a heartbeat against his palm. This is it, he tells himself. This is the very moment he has waited years for. This is what he has desired ever since the first cut at the Jedi Temple, since his father called to him on Starkiller, since Hux whispered, “I want you.” He has found freedom and victory at last. This is it.  _

_ And yet, Snoke is still smiling. _

_ Snoke lifts his great head, so many sizes too large, and dares to look Kylo in the eye. The Force coils around him, slithers and shifts until the room feels cold as death. Breathing the air is like swallowing ozone and Kylo swallows hard as Snoke’s eyes shift toward Hux. _

_ Hux is pressed to the back corner of the room, stiff and silent in the darkness. He meets Snoke’s gaze like its nothing, unphased by the weight and gravity. Kylo loves that about him. Even now, with Snoke grinning against death, it is reassuring. There is nothing to worry about, not when Hux looks so confident. Hux’s faith in him is more valuable than anything else. _

_ “And what is it you intend to do now that you’ve won, my apprentice?” Snoke says, voice raspy and broken around the blood pouring past his teeth. His eyes stay on Hux, unmoving even as Kylo approaches, the heat of his saber burning against Snoke’s cheek. _

_ Kylo winces as Snoke presses to his mind again, clawing at the places he’d made for himself so long ago. Old promises of power and affection pound against his temples, accompanied by the screech of familiar threats. If you go, they say, you will find nothing but hatred and loneliness. If you go, you will find nothing but pain. _

_ Kylo snarls in his throat and presses his boot to Snoke’s torn open stomach until he smells blood like phosphate. The pull at his mind falls away in tatters. The slots Snoke had constructed himself were changed, warped by Kylo’s growing affections for Hux and his mounting hatred for what Snoke had done to him. He would never yield to Snoke’s call again, no matter how he pressed.  _

_ Kylo grinds his heel into Snoke’s stomach and buries his saber in his shoulder, exhaling as Snoke strains beneath him. “Well, master,” He says, words laced with the most biting sarcasm, “I intend to kill you and carry out my destiny. The Order will rise under the General and I shall restore the Dark Side to its rightful place.” He leans forward, bringing his blade deeper into Snoke’s torso. “And you will die, an example to those who cross me and the General.” _

_ Snoke does not laugh, but his presence in the Force gleams with something close to it. “Your faith in your General is admirable,” He says, the words “your General” forcing every muscle in Kylo’s body to tense. Snoke pulls closer despite how it drives the saber deeper. “But is is misplaced and unfortunate.” _

_ Hux coughs behind him and Kylo turns, the sound of his heartbeat ringing in his ears. Hux is on the ground, pale as Snoke and looking just as feeble. He’s scratching at his throat, choking. But that isn’t the issue. Kylo feels it, instinctively. The pull of Snoke’s power is not around Hux’s throat, strangling him. It is everywhere, it is the cold in the air, it is the sheet which wraps around Hux, unseen, and threatens to pull him away forever. _

_ Kylo tears his saber across and upward, separating Snoke’s head from his body. It tumbles across the ground, lifeless. Kylo stares at it, sweat pouring down his back as he struggles to maintain his balance, adrenaline coursing through his body and leaving him dizzy. Snoke’s signature dissipates in the Force with a low creak and groan, like footsteps through an old house, but Hux continues to shiver in the corner. _

_ It’s a curse, Kylo realizes. A Sith curse which is unaffected by demise, which persists forever like a beast after a lame animal. Hux is marked and there is no unmarking him. This is how Padmé Amidala died, life chased away by the pull of Darth Sidious’s phantom hand. If Darth Vader could not save his love, then there was nothing Kylo could do to stop this now. _

_ Then, had Darth Vader truly even tried? _

_ Kylo  tosses his saber down and rushes to Hux’s side and pulls him from the ground. His hands are trembling but he forces them steady, biting down on his own cheek to ground himself. “I’ve got you,” He whispers, petting his hand through Hux’s hair. “I’ve got you, don’t worry.” _

_ I don’t know what I’m doing, he thinks. Snoke never prepared him for this. Why would he? He’d clearly kept it a secret, something to shove in Kylo’s side and leave him suffering. Kylo scrambles to take hold of what Snoke had left in the Force, struggling against it. Howling rips through the air the moment he takes hold of it, the sound of claws dragging against the earth not far behind. Something is coming for him, but he doesn’t have time to care. _

_ Hux vomits blood between their bodies and Kylo sobs. “Please, I’m trying. Just hold on,” He begs, pulling harder against the curse. The weak places in his mind, only barely recovering from Snoke’s abuses, tear open under the strain. He screams but keeps going. His pain is irrelevant. Hux’s eyes are glassy, his skin melting away at the tips of his fingers.  Kylo can see bone and the howling grows closer, turns to snarling and the gnashing of  empty jaws. _

_ Let them come, he thinks. Let them come for me. _

_ Hux is crying. He’s saying something about the pain, about how he’s scared, but Kylo can’t clearly make out the words. His vision grows dark around the edges, obscured by swaths and splotches of black. He reaches for Hux’s hand but it is gone. There are only bones and, then, not even that. He cannot see where Hux begins or ends and things grow darker and darker. _

_ “I can do this!” Kylo screams, to the Force and to the Gods and to everything anyone has ever believed in. “Please, just let me to this!”  _

_ The wolves arrive at his sides, fur shock white in the growing blackness. Kylo sobs and reaches to restrain them, to keep them from Hux, but he cannot. They slip through his fingers and he is pulled away as Hux is swarmed. He falls into the black and then against dark earth, rolling until he is met with the view of branches hanging overhead. The light of the moon burns his eyes and he closes them, defeated. _

Kylo opened his eyes to find the dark grey stone of the temple ceiling. He exhaled and brought one hand to his face, wiping away the sweat collected along his brow. His heart rate slowed as he took stock of his location. Snoke’s fortress was millions of light years away, empty and crumbling in on itself. He was safe,  comfortable, even. But, then, his safety wasn’t the real concern.

Kylo rose up on his elbows, peering over to the other side of the bed. Hux lay in bed, curled up and undisturbed despite all Kylo’s thrashing. He was snoring softly, breathe whistling through his nose. Kylo sighed and wrapped himself around him, forcing his eyes closed. He would not be able to sleep again, but that was fine. It was better to be awake. He only had so much more time to cherish the feeling of Hux’s warmth. There would only be so many more evenings improved by the sound of a nose whistle.

When Kylo awoke for the second time, Hux was across the room. He was digging through the drawers, unaware Kylo had risen. It wasn’t until Kylo came up behind him, chest to his back, that Hux realized he wasn’t alone anymore. 

“Why are you up?” Kylo asked, snaking his hands around Hux’s waist. He held Hux steady, more aware of his trembling now that their bodies were pressed together. “You should be in bed,” He continued, rubbing his hands against Hux’s stomach. “You’re not well.”

Hux ignored him, still digging through the drawers, until Kylo started trying to pick him up. He hissed and kicked his legs, glaring back over his shoulder. “I’m not going to spend all of my final days in bed, Ren,” He snapped, tugging one of Kylo’s long-sleeved shirts from the dresser. He tugged it overhead and sighed, pulling away from Kylo and holding himself up against the wall. “As much I enjoy cuddling you, I want to do a bit more than that before I die.”

Kylo’s eyes sank to Hux’s legs, which shook beneath his meager weight. It had only been four days since Kylo released his hold on the curse, but Hux was gaunt and sharp. He’d lost no less than fifteen pounds already, forcing the hollows of his cheeks deeper. He seemed only moments from keeling over, and yet he moved toward the door as if there was no stopping him. Kylo sighed.

“Alright,” He said, following Hux into the hallway and offering his arm for support. Hux gripped him tight as they moved through the temple, passing empty rooms as they made their way toward the main entrance. Kylo looked down at Hux, studied the intensity of his gaze. Hux took warfare seriously and, right now, walking was the greatest battle he’d ever faced. “What do you want to do then?” 

Hux said nothing, eyes set on the front door. He tightened his hold on Kylo and grit his teeth, the soles of his feet crying out beneath him. He wanted to run, to tear into the outside world and take it for himself. He’d been raised a conqueror. There was no mortality for men like him. They lived on as great names and statues in greater halls, remembered as Hux the Terrible and Hux the Magnanimous in different realms. But all that was gone now. No matter. He’d make mountains of mole hills.

“I want to get out that door,” He said, swallowing the searing pain that shot up his spine. The Force was eating him out from the inside. He’d be dead in no more than week, even with Kylo there to ease the symptoms. But, fuck, he wanted this. The outside sunlight crept closer and closer, bathing the hallway in gold. He needed this.

Hux pulled away from Kylo and kept going on his own, breathe hard and labored after only two steps. His knees protested and threatened to give out, but he brought himself to the wall and held himself up by the stone. He moved forward, shirt clinging to his torso and hair stuck to his forehead. It was only a hundred or so feet, now. He’d make it.

Kylo hovered behind him like a humming bird, nervous and fluttering. He held his arms up, ready to catch Hux at any moment. 

But, Hux did not fall. He walked until the gap between their bodies and the door was seventy feet, then fifty, then a mere thirty. He paused now and again to catch his breathe, face flush red with exertion, before waving off Kylo’s offers for assistance. Even if it meant wearing his bones thin, he had to try and do this alone. 

Ten feet from the door, Hux’s break dragged on for twice as long as before. His knees shook hard enough to knock together and his grip on the wall left his fingertips red and his knuckles bone white. His breathing was near asthmatic and, with a trembling frown, Hux sunk to ground. He did not sob, though he blinked back tears and rubbed at the skin below his eyes to deter them. “Take me back to the room,” He whispered, crestfallen. “This is foolish.”

Kylo inhaled and looked from Hux to the door, measuring the short distance between them. Outside, wind combed the trees and grasses that had overtaken the courtyard, stirring bugs and leaves into the air. The weather seemed divine, sunny and temperate where it had been overcast and frigid for weeks. 

Kylo returned his attention to Hux and knelt down, bringing one arm beneath his knees and the other around his back. “Come here,” He said, pulling Hux toward his chest and then rising to his feet. Hux deflated against him, eyes falling closed in an attempt to conceal how red they’d gotten. Kylo took advantage of this momentary distraction and, cradling Hux in his arms, carried him over the threshold.

Sunlight fell over Hux’ s face and stirred him, eyes blinking open. He was greeted by the sight of Kylo’s face and the blue sky above. “Ren,” He said, quiet. Hux had a half a mind to complain, to call this an embarrassment, to say it was rubbing failure in his face. But Kylo’s arms were warm and the outside air smelled of bark and sea water, so he smiled instead.

“Where are you taking me?” Hux asked, folding his hands over his stomach.

Kylo replied with shrug. “Away,” Kylo said, uncertain what it meant. Hux was smiling now, and that was all he could care about. They’d been through too much for any more heartbreak. He’d wonder this whole planet over if it meant a few more smiles.

They traveled in silence for a long while, Hux playing with the frayed collar of Kylo’s pajama shirt while Kylo stroked his lower back. The sounds of birds and bugs kept them content, joined by the trickle of water over stone as Kylo carried Hux down toward the river. 

Kylo followed the river’s path, bare feet muddy and wet on the bank. He left a single pair of footprints in his wake, Hux humming some old Arkanian song as the trees around them grew thinner and thinner, giving way to sandy scrub. In the distance, the river met the ocean, pouring into it. Large birds with bent beaks and green plumage picked at the place they came together, snapping up juvenile fish as they ventured out to sea.

“This reminds me of Starkiller,” Hux said, looking out over the white sands. “The holding, and all that.”

Kylo looked down at Hux and laughed. “You didn’t carry me nearly as well as this. How many times would you say you dropped me? Four?”

Hux bristled and shoved a hand against Kylo’s cheek, turning his face away. “Yes, well, I’m sorry I’m not a muscular monstrosity like some people.”

Kylo perched himself at the edge of the riverbank, helping Hux sit up in his lap. “You could have been, if you’d taken any of my invitations to come exercise with me,” Kylo said, smirking. He couldn’t count how many times he’d tried to get Hux down to the gym. The poor man could hardly lift his datapads, let alone a weight.

“Oh no,” Hux said, sticking up his nose. “I’ve been to ‘exercise’ with you plenty. All that ever ended up happening was us working up a sweat that had nothing to do with building my muscle mass. You’re the galaxy’s worst personal trainer.”

“Well, you probably still burned a few calories,” Kylo said, pressing his lips to the tip of Hux’s ear. “Though, you probably gained those back given how much you swall-”

Hux shoved Kylo’s face away again, making an offended scoff as Kylo broke out laughing. “You’re disgusting!” Hux shouted, through he was quick to start laughing, as well. He wrapped his arms around Kylo’s neck and pressed his face into his shoulder, grinning ear to ear. “Do you really think I came out here to listen to you make sex jokes?”

“I don’t see why else you would, to be honest,” Kylo said, lifting Hux by the jaw and kissing him. Their lips lingered together for longer than usual, words they dare not say communicated in the simple touch of their skin. As they parted, Kylo looked into Hux’s eyes and felt the back of his own begin to burn. He looked away and pursed his lips. It wasn’t fair that this needed to end.

Hux shushed Kylo and took hold of his face, fingers spread out over his cheek. He guided Kylo’s eyes back toward his own, smiling even as he felt himself swell with sorrow. “You don’t need to hide from me,” He breathed, brushing stray hairs from Kylo’s eyes. “You can cry if you need to. I’m here.”

Kylo’s voice cracked and he leaned forward, face buried in Hux’s chest. Yes, Hux was here. He was here and he’d be gone tomorrow or the day after, an unbridled flame put out by the pettiness of some wicked creature. 

He enveloped Hux in his arms, holding him tight in the hopes that not even Death would be able to wrench him free. Tears slid down his face, staining the shirt Hux had stolen from him. “What am I supposed to do without you?” He asked, shaking his head. He’d already lost everything that wasn’t Hux. There was nothing left for him to enjoy.

Hux bowed his head and ran his fingers from Kylo’s scalp down between his shoulder blades. He exhaled, drawing it out as long as possible. “Well,” He whispered, rising up on his knees over Kylo’s lap. Hux cradled Kylo’s head against his chest. He felt the tears against his shirt, a frown slipping over his lips. He didn’t know what Kylo was supposed to do. But, he knew what he could do. “You still have your destiny, don’t you?”

Kylo shook his head. “It’s unimportant. I don’t care about it. I care about you.” His voice quivered. “I love you.” 

Hux froze, shoulders sinking lower. “I love you, too, Ren,” He said, closing his eyes. For all they’d ever said to each other, it had never come this far. They both knew it, of course, but there was a finality here that they’d both tried to avoid. Perhaps, they thought, if we never say it, we’ll both survive this for the sake of getting the opportunity. That was gone now. All that was left was ensuring Kylo’s purpose. All that was left was keeping him alive.

“I love you too,” He repeated, taking hold of Kylo’s collar with both fists. Hux squeezed, staring down at Kylo with red rung eyes. “That is why I need you to listen. We had dreams together, didn’t we? You wanted to restore the Galaxy and Force to their rightful place. You wanted to fix this kriffing mess. And you know what? So did I. I wanted it more than anything. And of course I wanted to do it at your side. I wanted to do it with you, as your lover and comrade. But I can’t now. I can’t.” Hux slipped his hands upward, smoothing them over Kylo’s cheeks and wiping away his tears. “So you need to do this alone. For the both of us.”

Kylo choked back a sob and nodded his head. In truth, he couldn’t care any less about the Order or the Dark Side anymore. He was tired and worn down, ideals scraped away by years of trauma and countervailing events.  But, if Hux asked it of him, he’d do it. He’d take the Galaxy in his hands and reshape the Force. The capital of his new Empire would be named for the man who loved him. “For you, anything,” He said, looking up. “Anything.”

Hux kissed Kylo again,  nuzzling him once they parted. He’d only been awake for an hour or two, but his eyelids sagged. His bones felt feeble in his body and he collapsed back against Kylo’s lap and chest, pressing himself into the warmth. He pulled Kylo’s forearm over, petting the places where flesh had started to regrow. He told himself that, in time, Kylo would recover. There was nothing, or so he’d been told, that could keep a Skywalker down forever.

“Hux?” Kylo asked after a long while, stirring Hux from half-sleep. 

Hux replied with a mumble, rubbing his eyes.

“Do they believe in an afterlife on Arkanis?” Kylo continued, feeling quite juvenile for asking. “Somewhere souls go?”

Hux blinked, watching Kylo’s face. “Yes, but I’ve never believed in it,” He said, taking one of Kylo’s hands in his own. So, this is what they’d come to, trading in fantasies to soothe their anxiety. So be it, then. If it would comfort Kylo, then Hux would do it. He’d do anything. “Do you believe in anything? The Corellian hells, perhaps?”

Kylo shook his head, lacing his fingers with Hux’s. “I try not to think a hell exists,” He said, eyes lifting to the distant water. The birds were gone, bellies full with their young kills. “Snoke refused to speak of a world beyond this one. He said it would distract from my training, here, in the realm of the living. But…”

“But?” Hux asked, squeezing Kylo’s hand. Kylo looked lost, eyes flicking back and forth across the empty ocean. It was unsettling and Hux wanted it to end, free hand smoothing down the side of Kylo’s neck.

It was difficult for Kylo to speak. He struggled with the words, uncertain he could admit, aloud, something he’d called blasphemous for so long. But, as Hux’s fingers ran over his jaw, he decided there was nothing else to do. He had to believe, even if betrayed the last decade of his life. 

“Luke Skywalker spoke of an afterlife in which all souls meet again, eventually becoming one with the Force. A place that is peaceful and without suffering, in which all things are just,” He said, lifting their hands to his lips and pressing a kiss to Hux’s knuckles. 

“And you believe that, now?” Hux said, voice barely above a whisper. He didn’t know enough to profess his own faith in it, but the idea sounded lovely. He’d have given everything to ensure it was true. 

Kylo nodded. “I have to.”

Hux stared up at him, trying his best to smile. “Well that settles it, then,” He said, pulling their hands back down against his stomach and covering them with his other palm. Even with his sickly pallor and jutting bones, he managed to glow. “You can follow me.”

Kylo furrowed his brows, head turning to one side. “I can follow you?”

Hux laughed. Kylo always looked like a confused dog when he did that. It was more charming than he’d care to admit.

“Yes,” Hux said, pressing Kylo’s hand between both of his own. “Once you’re old as the stars, victorious, and sinfully happy, you can follow me into this mysterious afterlife and we can go on bickering just like we’ve always wanted.” Hux turned his head to the side to match Kylo, grinning. For a moment, struck by the sun, he seemed almost well. “Deal?”

Kylo Ren had been given very few options in his life. From the time he was a child, others had forced him to accept their decisions, to live as they saw fit. The very few choices he’d made for himself ended poorly, stained by the scent of blood and years of regret. But, staring at Hux right then and there, he knew there was no way for him to get this wrong. 

“Deal.”


	4. Epilogue

It happened four days later just before the sun came up. Hux was pressed to Kylo’s side in bed, stick thin and unable to keep himself warm. Kylo held his waist and whispered sweet things in his ear. “I will do everything we ever wanted to do, Hux. I’ll make things so perfect,” He said, smoothing his hand over Hux’s side and the bumps of his exposed rib cage. Tears gathered at his eyes, but he dare not cry. Time was too short for his words to get lost in his crying. “You’re going to be so proud of me.”

Hux lifted his head, eyes unfocused and half-closed. He’d gone blind a few hours before, but he could still see Kylo, clear as day, in his mind. He cupped Kylo’s face with both his hands and and smiled, pressing their foreheads together. “I already am proud of you, Ren,” He whispered, barely able to make the words. “Thank you for taking such good care of me.”

Ren clenched his jaw and closed his eyes, shaking around Hux. He wanted to say Hux was wrong, that he had failed, that none of this would have happened if he’d just killed Snoke faster or been stronger with the Force. But instead, he repeated, “I love you,” until his mouth hurt, until his voice was just as worn as Hux’s. 

Hux replied, “I know,” the first dozen times and then slipped into silence. His breathing was the only response until the fiftieth time, when it stopped altogether. 

Kylo carried on well past a thousand. 

Hux was cold in his arms when Kylo finally gave in. The tears came free like water from a burst levy, wracking his body and leaving him sore. He stroked Hux’s hair and apologized to him, pleading with the voices he’d so long ignored for some miracle solution. “Please,” He cried, “I can’t lose him like this.”

For the first time, they were silent.

The sun was high in the sky by the time Kylo was ready to peel himself out of the bed. He pressed a kiss to Hux’s forehead and pulled the blanket over his head. As he moved through the temple and into the woods, he thought to back to his father and the Jedi. They’d looked so horrified when they died, faces twisted with anguish and sorrow. But Hux? His eyes were closed and his his expression relaxed. It was so easy to mistake him for sleeping. Perhaps, by the time Kylo returned, he’d be up and just waiting to tease Kylo for having worried. 

He went to the oldest tree in the courtyard, the one from which the long dead Sith apprentices called. He sheared away its branches with his saber, gathering them in a pile at the far end of the temple. Then, he carried the branches out to the sea, unconcerned with their weight or the time it took. 

He constructed a pyre against the surf on the white sands of the shore. Seabirds gathered at the top as he walked back toward the temple, watching after him with their bright yellow eyes.

Kylo entered the temple at sunset. He found Hux undisturbed in their bed,  covered and motionless. Kylo exhaled and gathered him in his arms, wrapping the blanket around his body. He was already ice cold. There was no reason to make it worse.

Kylo carried Hux back out over the threshold and along the river. His bare feet left tracks in the mud and he braced himself against the cold air that came off the ocean. By the time he reached the mouth of the river, the sun was touching the water at the horizon line, leaving the sky brilliant orange.

Kylo laid Hux in the pyre, hands shaking as he prepared to step away. He inhaled, taking one last look at Hux’s face and committing it to memory. “Thank you,” He whispered, tears rising to his eyes once again. 

Kylo climbed down from the wood and buried his nails in his palms. Every muscle in his body pulled against him as he started the fire, heart screaming in his ears as the flames spread out across the wood. Hux is in there, something said. What are you doing to him?

He swallowed and stepped back, watching as the flame flicked up in the air. The heat warmed his skin and forced him to the ground, head bowed in prayer. He spread himself thin in the Force, reaching for the spirit he knew wasn’t there. Someday, he told himself. Someday, I will see you again.

When the flames died down, leaving charred ash and crackling charcoal, Kylo looked out across the ocean to find the moon staring back at him. It was bright white and stirred an old memory in his mind. He smiled and lifted his hand toward it, tracing his fingers along the edge of its light. 

_ They are standing on the surface of Starkiller, staring up at the sun that will end the war. Hux is studying it with the sort of attention to detail only he can manage. “You know, Ren,” He says, eyes still set on the sky, “I’ve always wondered how this is actually going to play out. After all, moons appear when their sun drowns them out, reflecting the light and all that.” _

_ Kylo breathed through his vocoder, quirking his head. “Your point, General?” _

_ “Well, I just wonder if, in the second after the sun is gone, we might see the moon. If it will hang there for just a moment, showing us the light of something that is gone. It would be like-” _

_ “Like a ghost?” _

_ “Yes, if you must be so fantastical. Like a ghost.” _

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, everyone! This is the first multi-chapter fic I've ever finished, so I'm really happy to have it done and out for you all to enjoy. A big thank you to the anon on tumblr who gave me this prompt, as I've thoroughly enjoyed working with "Wolves Without Teeth" (I played it on repeat the entire time I wrote this, so I'm pretty sure I have the song memorized by now).


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